Waiting For The World To Fall Apart
by fireseal
Summary: It’s like one of those ineffable laws of the universe. Fish swim, birds fly, and Athrun thinks too much. AsuCaga.


I.

Athrun's mornings are quiet. They are usually solitary hours that are whiled away with a hand around a cup of coffee. Sometimes he goes out and gets a doughnut or a bagel or a slice of tiramisu to go with it. He wishes that Cagalli could go with _him_, but she always gets up early and grumpy and in a rush for work and meetings.

Athrun's mornings are lonely.

A sharp pain jolts through the back of his hand. He jumps; realizes that he hasn't been looking at where he's been pouring the coffee, and fumbles for tissue. He spends the next few minutes wiping up the mess. The patch of scalded skin is blistering into an angry red, and he accidentally scrapes it against the edge of the table.

Athrun forgets about coffee and waits for the morning to pass.

- + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - +

II.

Cagalli picks at her lunch. Across her, Jona is chattering animatedly, and she can't find the heart to pay attention. She's set her body on auto-pilot, lips stretching mechanically to mimic a smile, head bobbing up and down or swivelling left and right. Jona doesn't seem to mind this.

And then her mind screeches, _WARNING! WARNING!_, but before she can react, Jona has lifted her hand to his lips, his palm uncomfortably hot and sweaty against hers.

She sharply withdraws her hand as though it had caught fire. The movement causes her bowl to tumble over, cream and mushroom bits spilling on her lap.

Cagalli mentally thanks the gods that she'd left the soup to grow cold, then excuses herself.

- + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - +

III.

"You're home early."

"Just open the door." Cagalli's tone translates into something that roughly sounds like, _Open the goddamned door or I'll tear you limb to limb and feed you to the sharks._

Self-preservation instincts make Athrun oblige. "What happened to you?" he asks as he lets her in.

"Knocked over my soup," she mutters as she stomps off to change. She re-emerges in casual clothes, and Athrun pleasantly interprets this as a sign that she's not planning to go back to whatever appointments she has.

"Have you had lunch yet?"

"Not yet."

"Good. I'm hungry. So. Chinese take-out?"

"Sure," he says and he thinks, _Nice to have you home._

- + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - +

IV.

"I've been thinking," Athrun begins.

Athrun thinks too much. Sometimes it irritates her, but she's decided that an Athrun who doesn't think too much isn't Athrun. It's like one of those ineffable laws of the universe. Fish swim, birds fly, and Athrun thinks too much.

"I've been thinking," Athrun says, "that maybe I can go with you to work. Maybe you can hire me as your personal secretary or something. So that I can be there for you."

"That might be nice," Cagalli acknowledges, "but you'll end up being too swamped with work and schedules that there wouldn't be opportunities for you to 'be there' with me."

Athrun's face falls. "Guess you're right."

"But," she continues, "I've always thought that having my own bodyguard was cool."

He considers the idea and smiles. "Am I hired?"

"A name like 'Athrun Zala' won't do, though. You're too popular."

"I'll think of something," he promises.

_I know you will,_ she says to herself. _You always do._

- + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - + - +

V.

"Alex Dino?"

"Yeah."

She hands him back the ID, her face breaking into a grin. "You're hired. You can start working tomorrow."

He wears his new name and new identity as though they truly belong to him, and somehow it feels like he has been reborn as another person. Occasionally he'd bristle when he sees Jona, but he reminds himself again and again that he is Alex, and fundamentally, Alex is just a bodyguard. When Cagalli says "Alex", she's really saying "Athrun", and it comforts him to know that he's not just a hollow presence.

Once, Jona asks Cagalli about her plans when they marry, who they'll invite to the wedding and how many children they'll have, and Cagalli blushes bright crimson. Athrun almost pulls out his gun, but Cagalli shoots him a hard look that says, _Don't be stupid, stay out of this, isn't being here with me enough for you?_ Athrun lets his hand drop, but they have a fight that night, and Cagalli walks out of the restaurant on him.

He realizes later on that this time, she's right; the world doesn't run in the invisible line between them. There are more important things out there than what they want. Athrun knows he's being selfish. He wants Cagalli all to himself, and hates having to share her with Jona and ORB and the people who need her. But the world is unkind to selfish people. He apologizes to her the following morning, but he wishes that Alex could do more than stand with her and watch. It hurts him to be there but unable to do anything.

"I don't want to lose you," he tells her, and she just clenches her fists tightly.

Somewhere in their hearts, they know that it's inevitable, but they hope and they hope, even though they know the hurt will just dig deeper.


End file.
